A True Cracker's Dictionary
of Medical Terms
|
|
| Hilarious | White-Trash Stealing White-House Silverware |
| Anti-Body | against everyone |
| Artery | study of paintings |
| Bacteria | back door to a cafeteria |
| Barium | what to do when treatment fails |
| Bowel | letters lik A E I O or U |
| Caesarean Section | a district in Rome |
| Cardiology | advanced study of poker playing |
| Cat Scan | searching for ones lost kitty |
| Cauterize | made eye contact with her |
| Colic | sheep dog |
| Coma | punctuation mark |
| Congenital | friendly |
| D & C | where Washington is |
| Dilate | to live long |
| Enema | not a friend |
| Fester | quicker |
| Genes | blue denim slacks |
| Genital | non-Jewish |
| Hangnail | coat hook |
| Hemorrhoid | a male From outer space |
| Herpes | what women do in the Ladies Room |
| Hormones | what a prostitute does when she doesn't |
| Impotent | distinguished, well known |
| Inpatient | tired of waiting |
| Labor Pain | hurt at work |
| Medical Staff | a doctor's cane |
| Minor Operation | coal digging |
| Morbid | a higher bid |
| Nitrate | cheaper than the Day Rate |
| Node | was aware of |
| Organic | organ repairman |
| Outpatient | a person who has fainted |
| Paralyze | two far-fetched stories |
| Pharmacist | person who makes a living dealing in agriculture |
| Post-Operative | a letter carrier |
| Protein | in favor of young people |
| Recovery Room | place to upholster furniture |
| Rectum | what happened to the Corvette |
| Rheumatic | amorous |
| Saline | where you go on your boyfriend's boat |
| Secretion | hiding something |
| Tablet | a small table |
| Terminal Illness | getting sick at the airport |
| Tibia | country in North Africa |
| Tumor | an extra pair |
| Urine | opposite of "You're Out" |
| Varicose | nearby |
| Vein | conceited |
Following the news that a 59-year old woman has given birth, we are pleased to announce that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, age 93) is expecting a child. Her Majesty is naturally delighted by the success of the pioneering operation which took some tissue from her late husband, King George VI (believed to be a scrap of fingernail found underneath the carpet) and used it to reconstruct his DNA. The news does have deep constitutional implications, since, if the child turns out to be a boy, he will be the legitimate king of the U.K.,and Queen Elizabeth will automatically abdicate in favour of her younger brother. The new king will be discouraged from going anywhere near journalists, portable phones, or women called Camilla. He will also be discouraged from talking to trees. When asked whether she felt that 94 would be too great an age for her to bear a child, the Queen Mum replied, "Well, you're as young as you feel, I always say. After all I'll only be 112 when the baby reaches adulthood, and that's no age at all." It is thought likely that scientists will soon be able to reconstruct DNA patterns given far lessinformation - typically the subject's name, address, date of birth and telephone number (or possibly just even the e-mail address). This naturally will lead to severe moral dilemmas, as women anxious for children hack into databases looking for suitable fathers.
Home Page
Reload The National
Diabetes Center Frames